Coping with Death
Grief is difficult, but it is a necessary process that must be worked through to cope with the death of a loved one. One of the best ways to start the grieving and healing process is to arrange and/or attend a personalized, meaningful funeral. Funerals confirm that death has occurred and allow survivors to gather and share their grief while supporting each other emotionally. Changing times within funeral service also provide contemporary options for paying tribute to a life lived such as our Video Tributes™, provided with every funeral.
No matter how uncomfortable or how much you think you don't need to, it is important to share tears and talk with others about grief. Grief professionals suggest expressing any anger, guilt or fears is critical to helping you through the stages of grief. This release helps you accept what has happened and work through your pain.
It is important for children to understand and accept the death as well. Families are often tempted to “protect” children by concealing a death, but should not because the child may hear it from somewhere else and feel worse than if their family had told them. We offer literature, both books and booklets, on helping children cope with death.
Suggestions for helping you cope with grief include lightening a heavy schedule while grieving; finding time alone to put things in perspective; and taking care of physical needs by eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercise. Physical activity can help offset depression and provide an outlet for emotional energy as well.
While there is no timetable for grief, if you or a loved one are not coping well, you should consider asking a clergy person, doctor or funeral director to suggest a counselor. If nothing else, you may be relieved to discover that you/they are coping normally. We can offer referrals to support groups. Finally, remember in time, grief will diminish. While your loved one is no longer physically with you, they live on in your heart and in your memories.
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Explaining Death to a Child What can you do as a mom, uncle, grandpa or close family friend to help them get through this? The following is a list of do's and don'ts to help you when talking to children about death compiled by NFDA grief educator and Minister Victor M. Parachin.
DO be honest about death. As hard as it may be to break the news to a child, honesty is the best policy. It is far worse for a child to accidentally discover the “secret” and then be told “We thought it was best not to tell you.”
DON'T use euphemisms. Explaining death to a child as “Uncle Johnny went on a long trip” or “Grandma Betty is sleeping” may instill fear in the child of going on a trip or to sleep.
It is better to explain in simple phrases like “dead means a person's body has stopped working and won't work any more.”
DO help children express their feelings. Encourage children to cry-out their grief and talk out their thoughts and feelings about death.
DO be a good listener. Like adults, children need to talk about the loss and their feelings connected to it.
DON'T tell a child how to feel. Let a child experience and express grief in their own way.
DO offer continuous love and assurance. Children need to know they are loved to feel secure. By being present and available during the difficult mourning process, parents can help their children bear the pain.
DON'T hide your grief from children. Seeing you grieve will let children know that it is normal and healthy to cry and feel sad after death.
DO invite others to help your children. Often, someone outside the family can provide much needed additional comfort, concern and care.
DON'T assume children will just “get over it.” Whether you are dealing with a young child or adolescent, be proactive and provide all of the comfort and consolation you can.
DO nurture faith but DON'T blame your personal religious god. Often a death will draw religious questions from a child. Explaining to a child that “God needed daddy,” or “It was God's will,” can create future spiritual problems. Instead, remind your child that “The Lord shares our pain and will help us get through the crisis.”
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